So nervous…

In life, there are some things you can control, and these things are wonderful. Things like when you get up in the morning, what you wear to work, what you have for lunch, or who you talk to during the day. They allow you to exert your will on the world, and who doesn’t like to feel in control? But in practice, these are harder to control than they appear to be. This is due in part to pesky things like emotions and habits. But it is more likely a result of that vast menagerie of factors that you CAN’T control: things like ethnicity, disasters, weather, computer bugs, illnesses, sports teams, traffic, and, of course, other people. These can wreak havoc on your ability to direct your life, and, without the proper perspective, can lead to a serious affliction known as

WORRY

If you’re reading this, you’ve been alive long enough to have noticed that things often don’t go your way. They can be circumstances that you’re born with and are therefore stuck with, or events that happen over the course of your life that either piss you off or completely alter your perspective and direction. These things are everywhere, and you’re worried sick about them. Why?

”I’ll tell you why, they’re screwing up my life! Every time I make a plan or try to get ahead something shoots me down! There are things about me that could ruin all of my goals!”

Yes, I probably can’t argue with any of that (not to where I’d convince you, anyway). Death, recessions, bad genes, car crashes, nutty colleagues… all of these suck, clearly. But why are you worried about them? If they happened in the past, you’ve probably moved on to some degree. You’ve fought those battles and hopefully made peace with the outcomes, because if there’s one thing you DEFINITELY can’t change, it’s the past (unless you have a time-turner, in which case, Godspeed). But worry isn’t about the past, it’s about the future.

In fact, this whole post is really about the future. Think about the future, please. In your mind’s eye you might see yourself taking an upcoming trip, getting married, having kids, growing old, winning the lottery, getting a promotion. I have some bad news: none of those things is going to happen. Yes, I said it. And do you know why? Because your mind’s eye is extremely prone to illusions, and all of the things you see happening are laden with little details that your mind is filling in. Those things might happen. In fact, I hope they do! But I can almost guarantee they won’t happen the way you expect them to in your daydreams. Does that make them bad? Absolutely not! I, for one, have been on vacations that were ten times better than they were even in my most optimistic predictions. But the places I went were almost nothing like what I expected.

Now I want you to think about the future again. This time your mind’s eye has a dark circle around it as it looks upon bankruptcy, infertility, deaths, fire, burglary, losing jobs, being betrayed by friends. STOP LOOKING! Are you beginning to see the point? These things are possible, but not only are they highly unlikely, but your mind is filing in all sorts of sordid details that make them a thousand times worse than they would be in real life! Even if the worst case happens, it wouldn’t be as bad as your mind could make it. The mind is a powerful animal. The same way it can create vivid, life-like dreams, it can create one of these dark futures in your mind, and then you become convinced of its reality by living and reliving it in your head. The same way you get excited when you mentally play out a vacation, you produce anxiety by mentally torturing yourself. This is the foundation of worry, and it’s going to drive you crazier than you already are.

Here’s a secret about the future that your mind doesn’t want me to tell you: IT DOESN’T EXIST! Even if everything is written out in some cosmic book, as far as you’re concerned the present moment is all there is. The past is more real than the future because at least it leaves some physical trace of its passing. Yes, there are indicators of things that are going to happen in the future, and yes, some things can be predicted. But even though you can predict the sun will rise, you can’t predict exactly what it will look like. You can get excited about a magnificent golden display, or worry about a dreary overcast sky. But that’s your mind again, and the things you are really worried about aren’t as cut and dry as whether the sun will rise. Instead, you are worried about how it will make you feel, how it will affect you, and more importantly, how it will affect your PLANS. Your mind has decided what the “ideal” future looks like, and now it is doing its best to find all the ways it could fail. Your own expectations are setting the stage for your worst fears.

THE TAKE AWAY

Maybe you think I’m going to launch into a spiel on “don’t worry, be happy,” or “don’t worry about what you can’t control.” I’m not, because you know these things and you still worry, so clearly that’s not the answer. Instead, I only ask that you think back, maybe twenty years ago, maybe yesterday. Think of something you were REALLY worried about, maybe something you had to do or a situation you were in that you couldn’t see ending any way but badly. Got one? Good. Now don’t think about what happened. I don’t care if your worst fears were realized or if your enemies suddenly fell on their own swords and vanished. Instead, think about right here, right now, reading this post, and recognize that no matter what happened, or what happens next,

Look into this face and tell me you’re still worried

Right now, you are okay.

Maybe a loved one is dying, or your job sucks, or you’re having relationship problems, and you are convinced that you’re not okay. I didn’t say EVERYTHING is okay. I said you are. You’re breathing, you have enough money to afford whatever you’re reading this on, and someone somewhere loves you. Don’t believe me? Well, eventually, whether a few hours or many years from now, you’ll look back on this time and think, “Yes, that happened. But I’m okay now.” And that’s the beauty of the future: the sun will rise, this too shall pass. And when you’ve lived your last day and past, present, and future blend into one, I hope you realize the truth that has been lurking there just out of sight all along: That no matter what storms are blowing around or inside you, no matter how little control you feel like you have, you are, and always have been, okay.

WHAT’S IT TO YOU?

Think of a time when you were worried sick about something. Did it end well or poorly, and what effect did worrying have on the outcome (if any)? How does remembering that time affect your perspective on whatever you’re worried about now?

Comments and discussion are always welcome! Life teaches us all lessons. Share what you’ve learned!